So...I've had a couple of Angry Beaver moments in the past 24 hours. For those of you all who did not have a childhood, The Angry Beavers was a cartoon on Nickelodeon about...you guessed it...two angry beavers named Norbert and Dagget. Me and my boys (shoutout to my Knock Phi brethren) use this term to refer to situations when you act more like Dagget and less like Norbert.
Episode 1: Dub vs. Sony
I've had well documented computer problems over the past month. So I called Sony tech support yesterday to ask about my e-ticket I submitted 2 weeks ago...I had to call them to fix what their technician broke the last time. When I FINALLY got to speak with someone, he informed me that the ticket had been canceled because my laptop isn't under warranty anymore.*insert blank stare* Had to break it down to him: "So you can to fix a portion of my computer that had an extended warranty, essentially left my computer in worse shape, but now you can't fix what you broke because it's not under warranty??" I didn't even call about the real problem (i.e. the line of dead pixels on my screen...I've been trying to ignore it and act like it isn't there) but to fix what they messed up. Had to ask for a supervisor...they said they can't speak to me but I can talk to the next level of support o_O. This is when it gets good...for starters this guy kept saying he was "reading notes" on my account. I was on the phone with him for 20 minutes..damn dude is it written in Latin-Hieroglyphics (yes...I made that up)? He offered to send my computer to San Diego for repair but couldn't guarantee that it can be fixed for free...um what dude? I gotta pay for you all's mistake? If he was in front of me I would have socked him directly in his chest....I try not to show out over the phone because I work at a call center and karma's a bitch but I had to raise the voice. He kept on saying he couldn't understand what I was saying because I was talking too fast. Understandable because I can talk fast...but his Indian ass wasn't understanding me anyway. I just hung up...I don't cuss out people that work at call centers and plus...he wouldn't have understood what I was saying because I'm sure English wasn't his first language. Might delay the podcast though...it's not my fault though, blame it on Habeeb.
Episode 2: Dub vs. Old Medical Bills vs. State of NC
Triple Threat Match with Charlie Sheen-Guest Referee
So I filed my taxes back in the first week of February so I get cheddar the government over jacked me for (you gonna pay what you OWE!). The feds were fast with their refund (thank you Mr. Obama) but NC? They're dragging their feet...I don't give a damn that y'all are broke...y'all can take up a collection plate for your boy during a session of the General Assembly, I don't care. So I called to ask when can I expect to receive my duckets...they said up to 45 days. *insert another blank stare* Then they told me that my refund is going to be lower because of a lien from the ECU School of Medicine? *WHAT?? I went to NC State b#tch!! Why would I owe them money??* She gave me the number so I gave them a call...lady was nice and everything but told me that the money was taken to take care of an outstanding bill from 1995. For those of you all that who didn't know...I was born in 1987...which would have made me 8 in '95.
*Warning: the following rant occurred in my mind when I heard this news. If you're reading and didn't know I cussed I'm sorry. If you still think of me as a little kid or do not want to read what a rant with a healthy dose of curse words I suggest you scroll to the end or stop reading now. I'm a grown man...don't judge me.*
BITCH I WAS 8 YEARS OLD!!!!1! WHY IN THE HELL WOULD I KNOW ABOUT A BILL FROM 16 YEARS AGO? Like I'm going to tell my dad "Hey dad...do I have any old bills from 16 years ago that haven't been paid? Might wanna get on that." I THOUGHT GIRLS HAD COOTIES THEN...I DIDN'T PAY FOR NO DAMN COOTIE SHOT! CIRCLE CIRCLE, DOT DOT MY ASS! I WAS TOO BUSY EATING BIG ASS BOWLS OF CEREAL AND WATCHING CARTOONS ON SATURDAYS!! WHY DIDN'T YOU SEND A BILL TO MY PARENTS??? YOU KNOW...MY RESPONSIBLE ADULTS WHEN I WAS 8, YOU MUTHAFUCKA!!
But of course, this all occurred in my head...so I just politely said thank you and hung up the phone. Definitely mad they jacked my refund and ain't tell your boy ANYTHING...but it's all water under the bridge now. I do wonder if it's really mine or if it's my grandfather's bill. But hey...it doesn't matter because as the great Charlie Sheen said...I'm still winning. That's my new outlook on life...no matter what happens I'm still winning.
-Dub
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